The Circus!

aaa

Harlequin Fields, mixed media on paper, 2010

Meandering into town you might see new posters up on walls and corners, intensely colorful and often kitschy, announcing the arrival of the circus.  Moira Orfei, bless her soul, has occupied acres of Italian wall space with her huge black beehive of a hair-do, and she is easily the most recognizable  circus personality.  But her grand  show was not typical of the tiny traveling groups of performers who make up the itinerant circuses in Italy.   These aren’t like  the American circus, a huge tent and multi-ringed affair, clangorous and booby-trapped with  wires,  an indecipherable  illuminated spider’s nest.   These are comprised of  one truck, maybe three, with a reticent  and energy-deprived group of workers who wrestle up a dingy tent, put on a couple of shows in an afternoon, and then disappear into the night.

The European Union, in its ineffable wisdom, decided in the 1990′s that small circuses were destined for extinction and therefore worthy of subsidies for their protection as  cultural  treasures.   Some are worthy of the term “treasure,”  others occupy the other end of that spectrum.  The availability of funding, as it always does, tends to generate  proliferating definitions, and so now there are low-hanging resources  for anyone who can scrape together a truck, a tent, and a couple of animals.

Of course to children even a couple of animals  legitimizes the cost of a ticket, and parents will oblige.   Highlights may include a clinically depressed camel,  or a tiger  trapped in a small pen and yearning for the only glimpse of freedom it will ever have:  the weekly cage-cleaning.    There may be  an overfed boa constrictor who will suffer the indignity of being manhandled during each show,  an effort which will inevitably interfere with its digestion.  Bears will suffer with dignity, becoming autistic to protect their delicate souls.   If water is the theme, there will be terrible  sharks on display, usually nurse-sharks, toothless and docile,  to be bothered at intervals by the wet-suited handler who risks his life in the tank.  No amount of splashing water and lighting effects can conjure a life-threatening event out of these sad components.

But there are always clowns.  Clowns are not always the stuff of nightmares, and they can be quite funny and charming when the audience is easily-pleased and mostly younger than ten.   I fondly remember enjoying my  children’s  reactions to the clowning at  these smallest and most humble of circuses.   And the crowd is so small that individual spectator participation is assured:  You won’t leave the show without being wet, spattered with foam, covered with confetti dandruff, or grasping the string of a new balloon.

Sometimes there is an elephant!   Elephants are always grand, in any context, and nothing can beat the mental hiccup caused by coming around the corner and seeing an elephant grazing in the school courtyard.  Traffic will stop and heads will snap sideways for the elephant out of context, while finding it a disappointment once inside the tent.   Other living odds and ends, small ponies and irritated dogs with  dermatitis, human and simian jugglers.  How strange to see a raccoon proudly displayed as a rare and exotic mammal species, paraded around on its diamond leash.   Camels and dromedaries are always interchangeable,  and never are they happy.  It isn’t the greatest show on earth, but it is a show.  The crowd, such as it is, will wander off afterwards, a little perplexed but ready to have another go when the posters go up next time around.

toast                                                               ”A Toast to Destiny”,  mixed media on paper

Il Cantastoria (part two)

Every few  months or so I am awoken at dawn by huge booming cannons  and barking dogs which signal that today is special;  a day of  celebration.  There are festivals based on Saints, commemorations,  historical remembrances, and even  strikes.  A day not designated exceptional is a sad day indeed.   When my father visited me he always said, “So today is a holiday?  It must be Tuesday!”

The basic form of celebrations has remained the same, although certain activities seem to have disappeared forever now.  One of these was the “Palo della Cuccagna“* which gave the young bloods of the town a chance to show off their climbing prowess.  A telephone-like pole was erected in the piazza with a bounty of cheeses, prosciutto, salami and such, tied  to a bicycle wheel perched at the top.  As if a smooth, 40-foot  telephone pole might not be insurmountable enough, it was then greased with lard.    Squads of four young men, jockeying impatiently  for the challenge,  armed themselves with a circular  strip of fabric to wrap around themselves and the pole.  They would scale it in sequence, each man on the bottom climbing up and over the next three.  Slipping down the pole and each other,  bruises and bumps and uncontrollable laughter would ensue.   The first squad to reach the top  would triumph and take home the prize.   Hilarity for all was insured.

"Off Her Pedestal"mixed media, 30 x 22 inches

“Off Her Pedestal”
mixed media, 30 x 22 inches

A traditional parade through the town center will take place during the festa.  Fixtures in this parade, in the phalanx of the powerful, are the mayor, the town council, and the clergy.   Having grown up with the Miss American pageants on TV, I always find it amusing when I see them all sporting wide banners from shoulder to hip, even though I know that this was the origin of the regalia  used in those spectacles.  Each V.I.P.  is quite proud to wear his banner, and I expect to eventually see, in these days of hyperbole, more and more of these in each parade.  Will there be a second and third brigade of silk sashes stating “schoolteacher,”  ”baker,”  ”or “dedicated housewife?”  I imagine a bannered “group of Shame,”  with “pedophile” or “litterer” scrawled on the sashes…

Picture Romeo and Juliet and their famous balcony.   It used to be that there were small musical bands which could be hired by an “innamorato“** to woo his beloved.  (One assumes that  women were not traditionally the protagonists here but one could be wrong!)  If the wedding date had been established, the young man would enlist the help of this band to serenade his future wife from the street below her balcony.  It was a joyous occasion  for the “vicini“*** when they heard a quavering voice in crescendo  out in the street, and I imagine the bride-to-be and her family endured the event with a mix of emotional embarrassment and merriment as he sang his song to her.   Too bad they didn’t have movie cameras to make videos back then; these scenes could have been the highlight of the wedding  film!

wedding guys 1

wedding guys2

“Waiting on the Cake”
mixed media, 30 x 22 inches

Every town has its religious processions, pagan and Catholic, quirky or boringly traditional.  These processions are still around, although they happen less often now.   Every few months people will gather for the purpose of escorting some important relic or statue of a local saint, getting it “out for air” and at the same time reminding the people where their loyalties should lie.  I will never forget my first experience with a procession, when, living along the main street, I heard a growing low buzz of human voices murmuring something, (a prayer?)  over and over again, a shuffling swarm of  sedated bees.   People living along the route where the slowly trudging crowd will pass should prepare.  Owners of houses will hang their nicest bed coverings from the railings, or adorn their clotheslines with ornate fabrics to honor the occasion. Some families possess a complicated  banner with the local  saint and symbols embroidered in traditional colors which makes its  appearance often and proudly.   Behold (and beware!)  the balcony which is festooned with a line of grungy underwear instead of a nice bedspread, thus shirking its unwritten civic duty…

*”The Pole of Plenty”

** enamored one

***neighbors

La Sanita’: A cautionary tale

As I follow  the developments  in  the new  healthcare plans for the U. S.,   I feel it might be time to digress from whimsical cultural observances to things more serious.   I wouldn’t pretend to understand every nuance, but I can tell you all a bit about what the future of   “Doctoring,”  (a more precise term  I believe  than “Healthcare”)   might look like in America.

L-204smallcopy

I have been living here since 1982, and for much of this time  I have been part of the  churning,  corroded  and unpredictable  machine which is Italian national “healthcare.”   I pay into the program, which is a single-payer one for the most part, and I partake of it (sometimes) as needed.  But what I “get out of  the system”  is   limited, and only partially  indicative of the general breakdown for most Italians.

Probably the most important detail when describing the Italian system is that no one in Italy has health insurance.  Insurance is mostly purchased on automobiles, as required by law, but hardly anyone has insurance on their possessions.   I know of only a few people who have their farm implements insured, and no one whose house is insured.  Not one person I have ever heard of has private health insurance.   But those who have a full-time  job are provided for by their employers, and the sheer size of the payments that are required for legal employees leads to a)  high unemployment, and b)  low profit margins.  As might be expected, there is a huge “under the table” market for workers.    The math is clear.

This said, it would widely follow that the government provides for its citizens who are required to contribute to the system for the good of all.  There is only one glitch in the set-up:  there isn’t ever enough money contributed by an under-employed and aging population, and the smooth functioning of the mechanism is skewed by the propensity of the culture to allow for corruption on all levels.   This is changing, slowly,  but the Italian bureaucracy is an old dog indeed.

When I go to the doctor, my assigned doctor, I make an appearance any morning of the working week and sit down on one of the chairs arranged in the outer office area.   I wait, as appointments are not deemed appropriate.   The clock here  is traditionally interpreted subjectively, and the time can be used to chat with ones’ neighbors as we wait.   There are many “ifs.”   If there are two people ahead of me  it is my lucky day.    If there are fifteen, I can cross my other errands off my list.   If a representative carrying a black briefcase of pharmaceutical samples arrives, he is given precedence over all.  (After all, his time is important!)    If, after a cursory examination and chat, my doctor deems that I need anything other than a quick prescription,  I am referred to the appropriate specialist.  There are given times during the week when the specialists will be on call, some in my town, some elsewhere.   If I can get an appointment with one of them in a reasonable amount of time, and I agree to drive the distance within eighty miles or so of home, I will do so.   If these things cannot be accomplished, I will be advised of  the alternatives.

The alternatives are consultations with  experts in all fields who work in private clinics, and where  appointments are always available  to paying customers.  They may also work in the government system, but they reserve their “special” time for their clinics where they are assured a large fee for their expertise.   Every city has it private clinics where folks who have the means flock for their procedures.  Some facilities are quite chic, others less so.  (I once had an MRI in a converted garage.)    Here you will get  your results quickly, because sometimes waiting two weeks to eight months  is too inconvenient, or even an unbearable prospect.   Health tourism  is thriving in the ex-communist countries to the East, where  procedures  are done on-demand, and competitively priced.

What  wears down the citizenry ultimately is the lack of consistency.  You MAY receive excellent care, as my son did when he broke his leg in two places a few years back.  He was put in a private room, had traction and surgery, wore a cast for two months and is in perfect form today.  All this for a total of less than 100 dollars.  Even though my husband had to sleep on the floor next to his son for a week, it was miraculous!   You may not receive excellent care, however.  My mother-in-law  was the victim of an accelerating downward spiral of errors, a  dire house of cards which ultimately ended in her death.  The only thing which might have saved her would  have been if her relatives were all knowledgeable doctors.   We weren’t.

My brother-in-law  died of cancer due to  many years of managing workers in a  ”state-of-the-art” government chemical plant, where every single one of the hundreds of ex-employees and management have died from the same disease.  He started his via crucis in a huge hospital with no air conditioning and eight people to a room,  and progressed inevitably  toward a hospice facility that was a nightmare.  Yet when his family became an insufferable squeaky wheel, he was transferred to a wonderful hospice care facility with a large private room and all the amenities anyone could ask for.  Both of these places were about forty miles from his home, over small, curvy mountain roads.  The commute, for us and for him, was hard.

A close  friend of mine was severely injured in an automobile accident many years ago, and the things I saw and had to do in that hospital still haunt me.  And yet she is hale and healthy today thanks to one excellent emergency surgeon who  happened to be on-call that day.    Thank god she was able to avoid complications caused by infections, heat stroke, and the  wrong  intravenous fluids supplied to her  by bewildered  interns.

A  hospital stay means that family members must camp out, often on folding chairs or on the floor next to the bed.  Nurses are too harried to provide basic care, and toileting, bathing, bed changes and clothing are usually  the responsibility of the family.  And bring your own toilet paper and bottled water!  I have been in Italy long enough to even  begin to  appreciate the constant milling about of other families in the communal rooms.   There is always someone to chat with nearby…And one must never forget that a well-placed wad of Euro notes will probably get you what you need much faster.

But if you need a prescription, the system offers you pretty much anything the doctor orders for very low prices.  Patients must pay a “ticket”   (a token amount according to income level and category, either preventative or curative) for  prescriptions, but generally the cost is  low.   Many will say that it is a positive thing that these medicines are “free.”   Unfortunately the cost can be measured not in Euros saved, but in lack of services.   Garbage not collected for weeks, unpaved roads, schools which are crumbling, antiquities falling to pieces;   the notoriously disintegrating infrastructure of Italy is the price paid by citizens for their “free” healthcare.   We pay, we pay.  And every so often, too often, we lose someone dear to us.

In the end, what the Italian system does is provide a baseline availability of services, in varying forms, for people who don’t have extra funds to spend.  Those who do have money can pay for excellent care and usually receive it. Those who don’t must rely on what is available, and sometimes that means waiting too long for a hospital bed, or suffering the ministrations of incompetent personnel.  Some problems, such as ADHD, are simply deemed “nonexistent.”   Older patients are often overlooked, and their suffering is seen as inevitable and therefore not treatable.  Up until recently pain has been seen as a necessary part of illnesses and childbirth.  (Another post…)    And of course you are on your own for dental needs entirely.

I vowed that I would not give obvious advice in this post, but I can’t resist saying that we would be prudent if we observed places like Italy closely.  If our reason for demanding government-provided healthcare is to render services equally to everyone, then we should proceed with caution.   As with so many things, the distance between our good intentions to the ultimate outcome  is paved with unexpected, and  sometimes appalling, consequences.

Casale in Umbriapastel on paper

Casale in Umbria
pastel on paper

Buon Anno Nuovo A Tutti!

I hope everyone will have a wonderful new year, and a tranquil holiday season.  Our family is going through a trying time right now, and we are confronted, as everyone is eventually, with the generations moving forward,  the older one gracefully making way for the younger ones.   I wish you all the very best, and promise more posts will be forthcoming, a little later on.

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“Star Rise”   pencil and gold pigment on paper

Il Cantastoria (part one)

My husband, who was born just four months before me, grew up in a different century.

Bernalda, or Vernall’  in dialect, in the  late 1960s.   The post-war economic boom is roaring in the north of Italy, and while  this small Lucanian town is seeing the arrival of new technologies,  new products and ideas,  its main participation in the “boom” consists of packing family members off to work in the factories of Torino and Milano, Bergamo  and Verona.  In previous generations families gave up their most intrepid to the Americas.   So while a  trickle of  letters containing  wages earned up north has begun to change the outlook slightly, traditions still  persist, resolutely, and the town is unaware of the changes to come.

The Amazing Flying Millers, oil on canvas, 40 x 30 inches, 2012

The streets of the town are unpaved, with the notable exception of the main Corso, newly asphalted and a focal point of town pride.  Most secondary streets are covered with embedded round river stones, or gravel, or a muddy mix of these.  Most people get around on foot, for after all the town is not large, with a population of about ten thousand.    An occasional small car can be seen, and bicycles, or  small  carts drawn by a mule or a horse.

My future husband, as a boy,  may have  the pleasure of  drinking something cold,  not from the refrigerator, but thanks to ice which has been purchased  fresh daily for the “ice box.”  ( My own father, in the late twenties,  followed the ice wagon and carried a chunk of ice home in a cloth bag, and so did my husband.)     His mother utilizes  a tin wash bucket filled with rags, and cuddles some bottles and jars around the ice.  There will be  cool wine with lunch, slices of watermelon, or fresh milk to drink for breakfast the next day.  Refrigerators will come later, in the seventies.

Milk arrives on wheels as well.  A bicyclist will pass each day with a couple of tin jugs balanced across the handlebars, and housewives hurry down with glass jars to buy a few ladles of fresh milk to replenish their supply.  No pasteurisation here, and the milk is often still warm when it arrives, as you can be sure the cows are not very far away.

Farmers breaking in a new field, builders excavating for the foundations of a house, will invariably find antiquities.  These are everywhere, and the cause of much consternation, as the authorities “must be informed” and work is immediately halted indefinitely.  Practicality advises one to keep it to oneself.   There are children in Bernalda, today’s adults, who pass their time after school at target practice, lining up small votive cups and vases to be knocked to pieces with slingshots.   Cups and vases from 2500 years ago!

People still live with their precious animals, and some still literally “live with” their mule in the second room, the one which houses the huge bed where often an entire family sleeps.  Chickens will come and go, and cats.  (Even today houses in the older sections of towns have a tiny, low door which served to allow the hens in or out of their nesting area.  I laugh when I think of  urban hipsters in US cities, discovering the pleasure of keeping a few chickens for eggs, and think how these “trendsetters” are  only now beginning to catch up!  Will they soon be keeping their chickens under the bed as well?)   These houses will be restructured in later decades, and the mule in the bedroom will disappear, although many will still keep a mule or horse in a converted stall, a few doors away.  Later still the “stalls”  (ex-family dwellings)  will be used for the family automobile, and organizations will be formed to “save” mules and donkeys typical of the region, once plentiful.

Near my husband’s house, in the town center, one homeowner is the proud keeper of serial pigs.  And as such, every so often he needs to make room for the new “pet.”  (That good sausage and prosciutto doesn’t just magically appear, after all.)  The spectacle of a murder victim screaming and then being dismembered is a recurring neighborhood trauma which the children won’t soon forget.  Salzizz!*

“Chorus Line” oil on canvas, 12 x 12 inches, 2002

Most families have washing machines.  But soap is not often purchased at the store.  Another passing truck offers a bartered exchange;   used household oil, such as from frying, or old oil no longer suitable for consumption.  He gives these customers the bars of soap he makes with this oil.  Of course not everyone has old oil to offer, and he makes a good living this way from selling his homemade soap.  (You can still buy soap here which has the same appearance as the old bars, although of course it is industrially-produced.  Many women swear by it.)

Every so often, a visitor will appear in town driving a small truck sporting a collapsible set of panels.  The vehicle chooses a strategic point where  a crowd can gather, and set up shop.  The panels, usually four or six, are mounted on top of the truck so that everyone can see them.  They appear  almost as giant tarot cards, colorful and filled with dynamic figures in various exaggerated poses.  This is  the “cantastoria.”**  When a suitable number of folks have gathered, he starts  to tell a story in song.  Indicating the pertinent panel, he weaves an intricate tale involving (inevitably) love and hope, tragedy and  betrayal.  Cuckoldry and murder are ever-popular subjects, and the helper working the crowd  will  find his basket filling faster in accordance with the passionality of the tale.    All of this sung loudly over about half an hour, acapella.  It is a distillation of  Opera down to its essential elements.  Kids and adults anticipate  the arrival of the cantastoria, and when he arrives it is always a treat.

(end of part one)

“Time Line” oil on canvas, 30 x 30 inches, 2009

*salzizz‘,  meaning literally salsicca, or sausage, “known as “sal-cheech” in dialect.  When pronounced “Sal-zeets!”  it can also be used as a snide greeting.  It can be substituted for the acceptable “Salve!” and is invariably muttered under one’s breath.  It is obviously a reference to the  body part it resembles.

** Literally, the “Story-Singer.”

“Ma Dov’e Questa Crisi?” *

http://globaleconomicanalysis.blogspot.com/2012/09/monti-warns-italian-unions-over-200000.html

I have never thought to post a link to an article before, but this one was so essentially synchronized with my current thinking that I could not resist.  I hope that if you take the time to read it, you will then come back and let me put in my two cents’ worth.

Things are bad.  They have been bad for so long that the frog boiling in the pot has been comatose for some time.  Luckily for Italians, he has a shadow double which lives on happily  in the underground economy.  It is a world where following the rules imposed by  a  conga line of megalomanaical governments was never an option.  What we might see as “corruption” is simply survival to almost everyone buying, selling, or producing anything.   Now, however, over ten years of imposed absurdity defined as EU “guidelines”   combined with the current economic collapse has brought things to crisis level.  Will there be a reaction?  Who knows.

I have been observing things, as we all have here, and so I have a few anecdotal stories which may help people from elsewhere understand what Italians are up against.

My husband once had a store.  It was taxed in many ways, and he eventually got out of the business because the fiscal pressure was too great.  Business income taxes are around 45 percent to start.   He had to pay tax on every article he sold, as if he had sold it, before he sold it.  Think about this:  You buy 100 articles, you pay up front for them, and immediately you turn over the hypothetical  4 to 20 percent value added tax to the government, as if you had already sold all 100 articles.    If things go really well, you might sell 50 of these articles.   The remaining fifty cannot be written off, and you are allowed only two “On Sale” periods of ten days in a fiscal year.  These must be communicated to the appropriate offices in triplicate ahead of time. (And yes, there is also a tax on each page of official documentation, which one must purchase in the form of stamps.  These range from a couple of Euros to 40, depending on the document.)   These are established by region and by date.   Stiff fines are levied on any store displaying a “SALDI“**  sign outside of this permissible window of time.

The roving representatives who offered their wares to store owners were also regulated by rules regarding competition, so in any small town there wasn’t really a choice as to whom to buy from.  Most representatives will not sell to a store owner unless he/she buys a certain amount of merchandise.  In a tiny town, how many of X article, especially things like specialty clothing, do you think you can sell once someone has already bought one?   Always, the  answer is “not nearly as many as you had to buy.”

The store space is taxed on its size, taxed on its location, taxed on whether or not it has air-conditioning, whether it has a phone, a bathroom, internet, how much window space it has,  how many lights it uses and the size of its monthly electric bill.  God forbid you should be so lucky as to need an employee (most small stores are owned and run by one person or a family).   Business owners are expected to not only pay a pre-established wage and follow all rules regarding hours, but they must pick up the tab for extensive medical and retirement fund coverage, and guarantee that there will be no firing before a certain period of months has passed.  No matter how  inept or dishonest the employee.  Hiring an employee is similar to adopting a child: you are forever responsible for that person.  It is a rare small business where the employee does not take home, every month, more money than his/her employer.  No wonder jobs are scarce.

But the most egregious example of the absurdity and extent of taxation on small business that I remember was the tax on signage.  It started by requiring a special tax if you had a sign, as most businesses do.  Sunsequently the sign was also taxed by its size.  Then the tax was increased if the sign used electricity to illuminate it.  But the final indignity came when, around the middle of the 1980′s, the government decided that store owners should be taxed according to how large a shadow the sign cast on the sidewalk at  a given hour, which I assume was not at noon.  I don’t think this tax is still in effect, but you can be sure the EU will have come up with something similarly preposterous.

The government establishes how many pharmacies there can be, one of them for each 12 thousand inhabitants.  It establishes which items the pharmacy may sell.  The licensed pharmacist is inevitably the wealthiest person in town, along with the “notaio.”  This is the notary,  whose signature is required on all transactions of property.  He must be paid a percentage of each land, car, house, business sale.  This percentage is very high.   As you might imagine, the declared value of such transactions is a fraction of the actual price.  Buy a farm for 100 thousand Euros?  Declare its cost at 20 thousand.  Nevertheless, the notaio is not only very wealthy, but also one of the most despised people in town.   The position of both notaio and farmacista is jealously guarded, and the license is passed down, always,  within the family for generations.  Find the nicest palazzo in town?  It belongs to either the pharmacist or the notaio.

It is said that as much as 50 percent of the Italian economy is underground.  I certainly hope so.  Recently a law was passed (ostensibly to regulate  money-laundering)  which mandates that any transaction larger than 1000 Euros (about 1,300 dollars) MUST take place electronically.  Cash is not allowed.   Only a certain amount of cash can be withdrawn from one’s personal bank account in a 24 hour period.   Add the transaction charge to an already tenuous bottom line in stores, and compound this by the fact that only about 25 percent of Italians will use plastic to make purchases,  factor in  the inflation which is sure to come,  and you can see the perfect storm on the horizon.

So if it is true that  rules create behavior, much of the “corruption” prevalent in Italy is a direct result of the population trying to hang onto what little they earn.  The entire structure is built on successive levels, the “underground” levels being where the bulk of transacting takes place.   I can testify, as someone who has been restructuring a house, that things can get quite interesting!   Work a job if you can, but make sure you have enough chickens in your coop to exchange with your neighbor who grows wheat!     And treat the winemaker well, too, you are going to need him!

“Seniority” mixed media on paper

*     “But Where is this Crisis?”   A famous song from the 30′s which is always pertinent.  They even made a Carnevale  float in theme, with an updated version of the song, which you might find amusing!!  If I have the time I will translate it.

Recognize anyone?   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjP9J33ztYE&feature=related

**”SALE”

Pasta e ceci

Pasta e ceci, or past-uh-cheech-u-ruh as it is known here, is probably our favorite pasta dish.   But it is not everyone’s, and there might be a bit of a taste  ”learning curve”  for many.  Cooked  chick peas have a complicated flavor, and while they absorb some of this from their cooking liquid, they maintain that leguminous “soil”  taste which you either love or hate.  We love it.

I always appreciate a good hummus , and falafel is also really good,  but as they say here in the south, “La morte sua”*  is in the form of  this recipe which we all love.

—–Ingredients for four:

1/2  cup of minced celery, carrot, and onion

1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil

two cans cooked chickpeas

one medium ripe tomato

two garlic cloves

about 3/4 pound (not quite a whole package) of dry tagliatelle, or any flat and thin pasta

salt and pepper, Q.B.**

If you are a dedicated cook, someone who plans ahead (bless you!) you can start a day or two early with dry chickpeas and get them soaking.  Change the water often.  It may take from 24 to 36 hours of soaking to get them softened enough for cooking, depending on their age.   But I am a  short-attention-span type, so I buy the canned ones that are already cooked and soft in their own liquid.  Make sure there is no added flavoring.  I think it is detestable that tomato sauces and other canned veggies are often degraded with added flavorings  in the U.S…What, is it too difficult to add roasted garlic or salt yourself?

Start with a soffritto of finely minced celery*** onion and carrot, about a half of a cup, maybe a little more.  Saute these in a third cup of olive oil until softened.  I know that seems like a lot of oil, but remember, the olive oil in Italian cooking is an integral part of the flavor and mouth-feel of the dish, not just a lubricant to keep it from sticking to the pan!   Cook the soffritto gently, until translucent.   Don’t let it burn!

At this point, add one large  chopped and peeled tomato to the pot.  If you want to be a stickler and pick the seeds out then be my guest, but I have never been quite so dedicated to perfection.  Tomatoes are often used in small quantities in Italian cooking, to add acidity as much as flavor.  They are not necessarily the star ingredient of the dish.   A couple of minced garlic cloves, generous pepper, a bay leaf, and the two cans of chickpeas with their water then are added.  Add  two more cans of water.   Get it simmering and taste for saltiness.  It needs to be well-salted because the pasta that will be added will need to absorb plenty of salt.

This is a mixture that will burn, so don’t toddle off to another room and start working on your taxes!    Few things are nastier in a dish than burned legumes.  This “soup” will begin to break down into a nice velvety mix in about half an hour.  At this point I give it a little nudge by whacking it with my “Mini Pimer”  (stick blender)  just enough to break up about half of the chickpeas.

Taste again for salt, and take your flat pasta (tagliatelle or nested noodles made with hard wheat, no egg please, although…****) and break it up with your hands before dumping it directly into the pot.  Now you will have to stand over it and stir, there is no escape, otherwise it will stick and burn.  After about five minutes you can turn off the heat and cover the pot.  Check the liquid level frequently, because the pasta will drink up an incredible amount in no time.   When the pasta has soaked up most of the liquid and when it is “al dente” it is ready to serve.  The consistency should be about the same as gooey mac and cheese.

As always, I admit to  nonconformist behavior at the Italian table:  I love to add grated Grano Padano to this dish.  My husband sneers as he adds (I kid you not) about a cup of freshly-ground pepper to his, so we each have our personal preferences, as any married couple should!   I also like to add a generous dribbling of homemade jalapeno chap-your-ass hot sauce to mine!

Enjoy!!

“Strada sul fiume” pastel, 5×5 inches

*(“Its ideal death,” meaning roughly, ” The best way for it to go.”)

**”Quanto Basta” which means “as much as it takes.”

***I am frustrated that the part of the celery that I need for my recipes is often amputated before it even gets to the market.  As much of this mixture should be made of the leaves of the celery stalk as is humanly possible.

****However we have found that pasta all’ uovo doesn’t ruin the recipe, and actually it is quite good made with egg pasta.  Try it!